


Parasite

by 12starz



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alderaan, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Cooking, Disability, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friendship, Gen, Hair Braiding, Healing After War, Human Sign Language, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Genocide, Implied/Referenced Manipulation, Learning To Communicate, Leia is secretly a mama bear and loves her cub, Matchmaking, Medical Conditions, Medical Procedures, Mental Health Issues, Minor Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Mother-Son Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Prince Ben Solo, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Romance, Sign Language, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Social Media
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25754713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/12starz/pseuds/12starz
Summary: Leia goes missing from the Resistance headquarters on Chandrila after the end of the War just before a council meeting to discuss the fate of Kylo Ren.  They will either apprehend him to stand trial or set a bounty for every bounty hunter in the known galaxies to kill him on site.It is four years before the Resistance finds a trace of her and tracks it to a planet in the Mid-Rim. Rey leads a rescue mission with Finn to bring her home, but the atmosphere of the planet strands them on the surface.Four years since the end of the war, the force has not brought Rey and Kylo Ren together through the force once.  She knows this should not bother her, but it does nothing to end the longing and even less to fill the empty hole left behind from when he disappeared.
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Leia Organa & Ben Solo, Leia Organa & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

The durasteel floor beneath Leia chilled her feet and spread cold to the cracks between her bones.

Her eyes darted to the viewport and settled on the stars. She felt a ripple in the force as if a small petal had fallen upon water light-years away. Across the stars, she felt her husband die and a small flare of hope died with him.

Not even Han Solo had been able to bring her son home.

  
-

-

-

-

Although Leia sent Rey to follow the map to find Luke Skywalker, she did not expect him to come back.

  
But, he did.

  
Shortly after Rey was projected to arrive at Luke’s location, a comm call came in on their main communication line. Rey found Luke Skywalker and started her training.  
One month later, Rey sent a transmission that she would be returning to the resistance base with Luke Skywalker and information to change the tide of the war. The base buzzed with excitement at the landing bay and the thoughts of the people's mingled hope as they strained to catch a glimpse of the Jedi.

Luke and Rey will bring the end of the war, they whispered confidently.

The ramp of the Falcon lowered, and her eyes swept over a beloved face she had not seen in years. Rey stepped out beside him. Chewbacca followed behind them. Luke looked older than her memory with wrinkle marks etched into his tanned face. With how long they had been apart, Leia did not think he looked old enough.

-

-

-

-

The last time Kylo and Rey connected over the force, Rey plucked Snoke's location from his thoughts.

"It must be a trap" Rey states as she leans over the back of a tall chair. The leaders of the resistance listen attentively to her words. "Something was wrong. He was off-balanced. He never lets me see important information from him unless it’s for a reason."

Leia holds a breath. She thinks of soft baby curls, abandoned clothes and small feet racing up narrow stairs giggling

_"Get back here, young man!"_

_"You can’t catch me!"_

Leia banishes the memories.

“Even if it is a trap, if true, this information could be invaluable to us. We need to be prepared to strike.”

Luke nods in agreement. "And you are strong, Rey. With time, you may exceed Kylo Ren in strength. It is possible that your continued training allowed you to reach into his mind and take the information without him knowing."

Rey shook her head.

"But, he felt desperate. I don't know why, but I could tell. It felt more like he was projecting the memory but trying to hide it. What if he wanted us to know where Snoke is and do something about it?"

There was hope burning in Rey's eyes, but Leia she could not travel down that path again.

_"MOOOM!"_

_A swirl of limbs scrambled onto her bed, over her stomach and knocked the wind out of her._

_"Benny, what is it? What’s wrong?"_

_"He’s lying. You love me! He’s wrong. I know you do!"_

_She heard Ben cry as he curled up against her side tense and angry_.

_"Did you have a nightmare again, Sweetheart?"_

_She asked and his small fists curled into the silky fabric of her nightgown. She engulfed him in her warm arms and burrowed him under the covers over her heart._

_"I love you, Ben. I love you more than you could ever know."_

Leia's brow furrows. "Unit 7 can run a mission to confirm that the base is First-Order without arousing suspicion. They'll check the area and report back. We have a chance to do some real damage to the First Order with this information. If Snoke is on that moon, we need to strike hard and fast.”

She looked around the room.

It was unanimous.

-

-

-

-

A single pilot flew the mission to drop a bomb on the First Order headquarters in a confiscated tie.

  
The pilot would fly in, drop the bomb and fly out after detonation. Leia felt surreal as she watched Poe fly into orbit, gain clearance, drop the bomb and fly out. The mountainside cliff of the First Order base exploded in a nuclear blast which laid the entire western hemisphere of the planet to waste.

  
"HAHA! We got them, General!" Poe cried over the intercom. "Those Kriffing bastards didn’t even see it coming!”

  
The base celebrated, but Leia and Rey’s eyes locked from across the control room with a shared panic.

  
Somewhere light-years away, a burning pain rippled across the stars from Kylo Ren.

  
He was burning.

-

-

-

-

One week after the success of the mission, the Resistance leaders gathered around a display of coordinates discussing their next attack when a holovid blasted over every open radio channel. They watch it on the center of the table. Hux declares himself Supreme Leader of the galaxy.

  
"But, why not Ren?" Poe gasps. "That makes no sense unless the bastard died with Snoke."

  
"No." Leia breaths and the buzzing of voices in the room silenced. "Hux was the leader of the military. He might have had more political power and been more accepted by the organization."

  
"Ren may have been too injured to assume command," Luke suggests. "With any luck, it will stay that way. We should consider that a blessing. Hux is ruthless, but he is not as clever as Kylo Ren or his master. The First Order uses three locations to supply its fleet with tie fighters and weapons. If we target these, it will weaken them and we can go after their new Supreme Leader. Kylo Ren can be dealt with by me and Rey. Wherever he is, we should expect another change of leadership within the First Order when he returns."

  
Rey frowns. " But what if he gave us the information to defeat Snoke. If that’s true, he might be a defector from the First-Order? We should try to find him. His help would be invaluable in defeating the First Order."

  
Leia took a moment to study the girl's thick furrowed brows and the tight strain in her neck from her clenched her jaw. She was hiding it well, but she looked ill. And, her voice was filled with longing. It was a conversation they had before. Rey wanted to find Ben and bring him home.

“Kylo Ren is the First-Order, Rey,” Luke said. “Your feelings from your force bond must not influence your Judgment. We need to be the ones to end him when the time comes.”

Before Rey can spit out the angry reply building on her tongue, Leia steps forward.

  
"Kylo Ren has been a key figure-head in the First Order regime and a perpetrator of planetary genocide. If he does not return, then make no mistake the Resistance will find him. Allowing him to remain in the galaxies without a trial is something we cannot tolerate. We will find him, and he will face justice along with the other military leaders of the First Order.”

  
She knows Rey wants to speak against her but holds her tongue against the steel edge in her words.

  
As much as Leia had hoped and prayed over the years that there was still good left in her son, she wants to laugh as much as she wants to sit down and cry at the realization that her love was not unconditional after all.

  
She wants the war to end more than she wants him home.

-

-

-

-  
  
  


The first mission to attack the main supply branch of the First Order deploys. Rey, Finn and Poe leave together in the Falcon with a swarm of X-wing fighters. Luke stands by Leia's side in the control room as they wait above the holo table for news.

"I’ve got a bad feeling about this." Poe's voice cracks over the intercom.

"Something’s happened here" Rey replies, "It feels wrong."

Leia and Luke exchange glances. His metallic hand strokes his beard in thought as Leia leans forward to speak into the Comm. 

"Abandon the mission if you need to, Commander. We can't afford to lose everyone."

"Roger that, General,” Poe replies.

Only eight hours pass before ships start returning to the base. Poe and Finn race towards the command table from the doorway and stop in front of Leia to gasp for breath.

"Gen'ral! You are never—going to believe this!"

The members of command stand up around the room and turn to watch him in heavy anticipation.

"Gone!" Finn cries. "Every single member of the First-Order was cut down!"

“What?” Noise flickers around them as the excitement grows.

"Lightsaber wounds. Someone slaughtered the entire base. "

Her heart flutters.

"Where's Rey? Why isn't she with you?" Leia barks as she looks over their shoulders expecting her to burst through the doorway. Poe and Finn look at each other with nervous, worried glances.

"We took her to the medical bay. She got sick, really sick. It was bad. Finn had to fly her back to base. She won’t stop throwing up."

-

-

-

-

The next First Order bases they targeted were found destroyed. The Resistance salvaged the supplies, searched for intelligence and left. On the third base, they found survivors and were able to confirm what they already knew.

  
Kylo Ren had been the one to lead the attack.

  
And, he was alone.

  
"He was in my head!" A former stormtrooper babbled in fear. "It hurt so much that I—that I thought he was going to torture me. But then he just stopped. He just walked away and attacked someone else and then some of us he killed and some of us he didn't even look at before he cut apart but then some of us he grabbed us and wouldn't let go but then he didn't kill us. He didn’t kill us. He let us go."

-

-

-

-

The Resistance doubled and tripled in size until it kept growing like a wild summer weed. Hux was dead, all the major members of the First Order had been killed, every stronghold was destroyed and only a remnant of First Order remained trickled throughout the galaxy. There were three remaining Stardestroyers orbiting space, but the Resistance knew they would not remain for long. Kylo Ren would find them before they managed to do any major damage, and he would destroy the ships.

  
Their main concern was what to do with Ren once the FO was destroyed with the end of the war rapidly approached. Many wanted him to face trial, but most of them were afraid. They wanted him killed on sight, and they wanted to hire out every bounty hunter they could to take him down.

  
No one could deny that the war would still be ongoing if Ren had not turned against the FO, but no one believed he would stop his slaughter once the First Order was destroyed. He had responded to no hails from the Resistance or the First Order. Would he come for them next?

"He isn't fighting for anyone." Rey had spat when the difficult topic of Kylo Ren had fluttered around the board. "Every time the force connects us, he's always covered in blood, he is always with his lightsaber and he always tries to kill me the moment I appear. He didn't change sides. He just went mad."

Everyone accepts her words, but Leia detects a hint of something else in Rey's speech. The girl is bitter. Bitter and angry like a mangled hurt thing. It's not that he is covered in blood or that he is not fighting for the Resistance that bothers her. A glossy sheen had covered Rey's eyes when she talked and Leia felt a ripple of sorrow flutter through the air. She could feel it hanging from her tensed shoulders.

Kylo Ren acted like he did not recognize her like she was just another Stormtrooper to cut down. Somehow, his lack of recognition had hurt her the most and left her bitter and angry and worried.

She understands a little more, why her son had asked Rey to join him.

But the war is ending. There is a new galactic senate to build. Leia does not tell her she knows.

If she did, she would not be able to stop her own tears from finally falling to the floor.

Her son had left the First Order, but he did not come home.

-

-

-

-

When the report comes in that the remains of three starships have been found, the official end of the war is announced across the galaxy. They have had months to correspond with local governments to discuss the formation of a new intergalactic republic.

  
The announcement is strictly a formality.

The war has been over for weeks.

Leia watches colorful blasts of light and confetti rocket into the sky following the announcement. Soldiers wave streamers and click together glasses filled with ale and spirits to celebrate. Cheers roar and swell as private celebrations break out across the base established on Chandrila. She mingles around gleeful faces to share hugs and laughs with her people before retiring. She cannot find Rey, but over the past year the Jedi often retreats to her quarters in search of solitude.

Leia debates searching her quarters, but her upcoming meetings and agenda for the next day weigh heavy in her mind. With five new diplomats from Midrim planets arriving at the start of the day and the trial of low ranking stormtroopers and first-order officials starting in the afternoon, the day would be full until sundown. Before sunrise, a special counsel would take place to discuss apprehending Kylo Ren before his mad killing rage could continue. Her limbs feel heavy, so she turns away from the hallway that might lead her to Rey and returns to her own quarters.

  
When she reaches the door to her chambers, the hair on the back of her neck stands up as if an electrical charge rolled across her skin.

A short, quick breath shudders from her mouth. She slams the door open.

The light is on.

  
She steps into the room, and the door hisses shut behind her. Her cup of tea lays undisturbed by her bedside table from the morning where she had left it. The covers of her mint green sheets are pulled back, and her son is leaning over her bedside table gazing at the picture that had been taken of their family before he turned six. She has always liked that picture. It was one of the few where they were all together.

  
She takes several steps towards him and let out a breath she had been holding in her chest.

  
"Ben?"

He does not turn to look at her. He is captivated by the photograph, so she risks several more steps until she could reach out and touch him if she wanted too.

She wants to so much she suffers for it.

"Ben." She demands. His gaze snaps away from the picture to her face. It was only when he got older that he stopped listening to her when she used what Han would call her princess voice. But, he seems to listen to her now.

When their eyes met, she is keenly away of every year they have been apart. She has not seen her son in over fifteen years. Perhaps it is because she is still grieving, but she sees Han in his face. His cheeks look hollow. There is blood, dirt and black oil on his face. She had never imagined him to be so tall.

"Where have you been?" She hisses like she did when she had caught him sneaking away from her senate meetings instead of waiting with 3PO outside the hall. She spent many hours after they ended searching through waiting halls and closet corners to find him curled up asleep or whispering to no one in some hidden room in the building.

His lightsaber falls from his hand. It rolls away from his feet before it disappears under the bed. A gold chain falls from his other hand, and Han's golden dice tumble to the floor. She feels like she might choke. _Where had he found that?_ She wonders.

"Ben? Where have you been?” She hisses again “ Why didn't you come home?" _When your father asked you too._ She wanted to say. _After Snoke died._

His eyes flutter to her as she speaks but keep drifting away toward the empty space off to her right. She is close enough to smell the blood and odor from weeks of unwashed sweat lingering on his skin and clothes. Her left hand brushes the com at her side, and she knows she must alert the council.

Her mind wanders to Alderaan burning, the screams of the Hosnian system, the families who had lost loved ones to the war and all the people who were still morning instead of celebrating. She remembers making Ben fruit and cheese crackers in their old condominium on Chandrila just thirty minutes away from where they are now if they used the city’s hover streets. His clumsy two-year-old fingers and overstuffed cheeks used to create red berry juice stains in the corners of his mouth that she would wipe away with a wet towel. It was not berry juice, but blood that speckled her Son's face.

But, her son was alive.

The scent of his body wafts in the air around her, and she coughs.

"Come on.” She beckons. “You need to clean up. You’re filthy, Ben." Her hand reaches for him, and when he does not pull away she grips his forearm and squeezes. She can sense him through the force now that they are so close together. He feels and looks as if something has drained his life away from him leaving only a thread. He is not here for a battle, and whatever fear she had flutters away. What did he come here for? She wonders.

_Dad said to come home_. He speaks into her mind, and she has to strain her neck to look up at him.

A swell of confusion rises in her, but as she reaches for him with her other hand it fades. He's in shock. It took her longer than it should have to recognize the glazed look in his eye, but when she does she leads him towards the bathroom. She lets him lean against the doorway as she crouches down to draw a bath.

The steam swirls into the air.

A strange sense of nostalgia stirs in her heart as she dips her fingers into the water to check the temperature. When she looks back up at him it is easy to see the child in the man again even with the blood and oil coating his skin.

"Will you be okay on your own?" She asks as she tries to discern what blood might be from him and what might be from someone else.

_Dad said to come home._ She hears him whisper into her mind again, and she frowns. His limbs are stiff as she pulls him to the side of the tub. Like a dead man’s, she thinks. The smell of him makes her gag as she presses on his forearms to make him sit-down on the rim of the tub. She dips a towel into the bathwater and starts to clean the dried blood and dirt from his face so she can see his features more clearly. Her fingers trace around the shape of his eyes and the hook of his nose.

“Ben?” She asks as her palms cups each one of his cheeks.

_Dad said to come home._ He repeats into her mind, but he has not spoken one word to her.

“Can you hear me, Sweetheart?”

Her thumb strokes his cheek. He projects the same phrase into her mind, and it sparks her worry into a flame.

“Do you know where you are?” She asks sharply. His palm drifts up and engulfs the hand resting against his face. He threads his fingers into hers, and lets them fall into his lap. She watches as his upper body curls down towards her and pulls away before the top of his head can collide with her chest. He rocks forward a second time, and on the third time he drifts towards her she cups the back of his head with her palm and pulls him into her chest. His arms stay limb at his side but he burrows into her warm embrace. She feels him start to shiver and when the clothing at her collarbone starts to feel damp she realizes he is silently sobbing.

“It’s alright.” She whispers as his desperate hands curl around her torso. She has him wrapped him up in both her arms and she rests his head under her chin even though the smell of him makes her nose curl. Tears start to blur her vision as her hands stroke his hair and his back. He keeps whispering the same words into her mind over and over again, and she wonders how long he has been repeating them. If it was before or after he destroyed the First Order. If it was before or after his father had died.

_Dad said to come home._

“You're home, baby. You came home. It’s alright.” She whispers back to him as his body continues to shudder. She starts to hum an old lullaby as she pulls him away from him. He is rail-thin, dirty, tainted and covered in sweat and stain, but he is her son. He has come home.  
She kisses his forehead, then each of his brows, his cheeks and his nose before she forces herself to pull away from him.

“Wash up. I’ll find you something else to wear.” Leia says as she leaves the room and closes the door behind her.

She finds a short-sleeved robe from her closet she knows will be too small and a large oversized floor-length vest she hopes will suffice enough before she can find him other clothing. She drapes them over a chair in the kitchen. He needs to eat, she thinks as she places several pieces of fruit and bread on a plate. There are several ration bars in her bedside drawer. She unwraps two and places it next to the fruit. She fills her teacup full to the brim with water. Arms filled with food and clothing, she returns to the bathroom door and knocks several times with her elbow.

“Ben, can I come in?” She calls. She pushes her ear against the door, but the room is silent. “Ben?”

She counts to ten in her head as she balances the plate of food on top of the teacup and reaches for the door.

“I’m coming in.” She calls and swings open the door.

He is exactly where she left him.

She sets the food down by the sink and drapes the clothes over the counter.

“I brought you something to eat, and clothes for after your bath. We will have to make them work for now until we figure out what to do. I’ll bring you something else to wear soon.” She takes a moment to study his face again and the wild look in his eyes. He is never going to wash without help. Her verbal commands for him to slip down into the bath and undress fall on deaf ears, so while humming old lullabies, she manhandles him gently into the warm water after taking off his clothing. He does not flinch even when she cleans the blaster burns on his arm and calf.

He is like a lifeless doll when the water finally runs clear from blood. She left once to retrieve medical supplies, and when she came back into her room almost certain that she had dreamed the entire encounter he was in the same position she had left him.

She does not hear him whispering into her mind anymore. Perhaps, like her, he realized he was not caught in a dream.

She drains the water for the last time.

“Can you stand up for me? “ She encourages as the water makes a whirlpool around the drain, but he does not move. He is too big for her to carry now, but she wishes he was smaller. She uses several towels to dry him in the tub instead. He ignores the food she brings to his hands and lips even though the health scan she took of him tells her he is starving. She waits a while, hoping he will leave the bath now that the water is gone or start to eat now that she is no longer trying to push it into his mouth like he was one year old. Instead, his eyes start to droop closed.

She brings in a pillow from the bed and several blankets to tuck around him in the tub. A chair is brought in from the kitchen area so she can watch over him for several hours as she decides what to do. He is already asleep when she attaches an IV to his right arm. She keeps playing the events of the last several months in her mind, but nothing adds up. Something had changed in her son, but she is missing it.

She thinks of the meeting scheduled in the morning to decide his fate. Relief floods into her soul as she realizes she had only been lying to herself before now. Her love has never been conditional. She will love him until the last breath leaves her body and after.

While tracing the lines around the edges of his fingernails and the wrinkles on the back of his palm, she watches him sleep and thinks of Han.

(Not bad for a bit of rescuing, huh? You know, sometimes I amaze even myself.)

_Me too, Han. Me too._

(My hands are dirty too. What are you afraid of?)

_Nothing anymore._

-

-

-

-

She does not show up to the meeting she scheduled with the new diplomats or the meeting about Kylo Ren. She has never missed a single briefing before, so the Resistance leaders immediately send a team to find her.

When the door to Leia's office swings open, the first thing reported is the blood covering the floor by the side of her bed.  
When they search the entire room, the only clues they find are blood-smeared over the bathroom doorway. There are bloody towels in the bathtub tossed carelessly to the side, and the air feels damp.

There is blood on the chair in the kitchen and an empty IV and needle in the trash compactor. A plate of food is left in the kitchen

Days, turn into weeks which turns to years.

It is four years before they find her.

-

-

-

-


	2. Chapter 2

Rumors of Leia’s disappearance infect every corner of the galaxy. Since Poe was trained to step into her leadership position, the transition went smoother than it should have in her absence. Many people believe she deserted after the war. But those who knew Leia all claimed it was impossible. Leia would never abandon her people in the dead of night with only bloodstains and dirty towels in her room. 

_Good work is never over_ , she would tell them. _There is always something more to do._

They knew someone had taken her. They did not know how or why, but since that day neither Rey nor Luke had been able to feel Leia in the force. 

-

-

-

-

The sun on Chandrila set three hours ago, but Rey has no intention of sleeping early.

Fin is lounging beside her bed with his back pushing against the mattress reading reports for the ongoing demilitarization of the Stormtroopers program. His shoes rest a few feet away from his toes. Rey leans over his shoulder for a moment from her spot on the bed to glance at the report he is scrolling through before reaching for her own datapad. 

She runs a search for information on New Alderaan. A collection of videos for teaching the young how to weave traditional Alderaanian hairstyles shows up in her feed. She opens the first video, and Leia's hands fill the screen. 

“Always brush out the hair completely before you start. You can skip that part but it will likely look like a womp rat made a nest on your head. Brush it out completely. Even if you do mess up the design, it may even look intentional because the hair is ordered and free of tangles. “

Finn snapped up from his own datapad and turned to lean his head over the edge of the bed.

"Was that Leia?" He asks as Rey’s mouth goes dry.

"Yes. Yes, it is," She rasps. 

Leia’s hands look wrinkled and soft as she cards them through the golden blond hair of a youngling. The model’s face is concealed from the view of the camera as her blonde locks are twisted and turned tightly in Leia's firm grip.

“Now you can end the design here, and that will mean ‘flower’ but this is not a design that is typically used unless you combine it with something else. So, we are going to continue the design. Part the braid here and now it can wrap around her ears like this. You will need the sap from the Filius Orchid to hold the shape, but if you have a different hair glue you can use that too. The Filius Orchid was traditionally used by our people to create a firm hair gel for more elaborate braids.”

They watch mesmerized as she twists the braids and applies a pink paste to the hair. She holds it for a moment and speaks in a soft voice to the little girl. They listen attentively as she laughs and murmurs to someone nearby. 

"Beautiful." She says as she tilts the girl's head to show the full design. “This design is often used by mothers for their young. The direct translation to basic is ‘ever bloom’, but the actual translation is a little bit longer. It means ‘this one will always be looked upon with love.”

-

-

-

-

Instead of telling Luke what they found, Rey sends him the video. The New Republic tracks the location of the upload to New Alderaan. 

"But that is not where it is really from" Rose huffs in frustration as she twirls noodles around her fork in the mess hall. Finn and Rey are leaning over the table watching her with their own noodle bowls abandoned in front of them. They have already listened to the reports from the tech team, but since Rey is the one who found the video every conversation always turns to Leia.

"Every time we search for the signal it gives us a new random planet. The videos are sent to New Alderaan and housed there in the city’s data cubes. So whenever Leia or whoever is with her uploads the video, they are downloaded at New Alderaan and then placed on the Holonet. Whoever has her must be moving around constantly. But in the videos, she is always using a different model, so there must be a lot of people with her."

"Someone at New Alderaan will know more about the transmission,” Rey said. “We can track their course and find her.”

"But why would she be uploading hair videos if she was kidnapped? Intelligence has analyzed the videos. There is no hidden aggression or messages left for us to decipher. And they can tell by her hands alone that she is healthy. If she really was kidnapped, don’t you think she would have left some kind of hidden note in those videos?" Rose wondered.

"Maybe she can’t! How do you send a message with hair?" Finn states. 

“With her fingers.” Rey murmurs. “She could tap out a message, but if the person who has her is watching they would know if she tried to reach us. We have to find her. We need to be sure.”

"Yes, but she was laughing in that video. She sounded happy." Rose pointed out. "Maybe no one realized how tired she was over everything. "

"She wouldn't have just left us, but if the alternative is her being captive for four years while all of us fail to rescue her then I hope your right," Rey growls as she snatches her food from the table and leaves.

“Rey, Rey wait!” Finn calls after her, but she does not slow down.

He runs after her anyway.

-

-

-

-

Finn and Rey put in a request to lead the investigation to find Leia.

The mission is approved and organized in one standard hour. Rey and Finn will travel directly to New Alderaan, and several other teams will check the surrounding planets for hints of Leia’s location.

Rey watches four more videos of Alderaanian braids before the Falcon takes off with a course plotted for New Alderaan. 

"Ready to go, peanut?" Finn asks from his place in the copilot seat.

"Punch it!" She grins as the stars streak past her when the hyperdrive engages but it crumbles off her face as she focuses on the bright lines streaking across the glass. Towards the end of the war, a melancholy had settled over her that lingered in her words and motions. Sometimes she felt like she was back on Jakku, scratching lines in the wall of her AT-AT waiting for her family to return. It felt like pieces of her were missing, like someone had stolen something from her and locked it away. 

It had not just been Leia that she had lost that day. The war ended, and she never saw Kylo Ren again. Not through the force and not in person. He had vanished into the emptiness of the galaxy along with the nauseating sickness that had plagued her each time they connected over the force. The sickness vanished with him, but so did her heart. 

Most of all, she just wanted to know what happened to him.

She had always imagined taking his hand and bringing him home.

-

-

-

-

When Finn and Rey arrived on New Alderaan, they fly a hovercar to the capital building and speak with several representatives from the senate. 

No one on New Alderaan knows where the videos come from, but they do know they are from Leia. There were other videos about culture and politics and any other topic they could think of that might relate to the rebuilding of Alderaan. 

"She sends at least one video a week. It's part of how we know she is still safe." One of the senate members says as they show the wide database they have stored with videos from Queen Leia Organa. 

"It isn't typical, but sometimes we are able to establish more complex communication. It has only happened twice since the end of the war, but it was needed for discussing her current remote position. When the royal guard and Queen determine it to be safe, we have full confidence the royal family will return to us." 

Rey laughs. The Resistance has been searching for years to find traces of Princess General Leia Organa while the people of New Alderaan had already known that Leia was safe and sound. The Senate and members of the royal guard explain with some embarrassment that although an official coronation had never been held, the people gave her the title of Queen Regnant of New Alderaan when the community had been established even though she advocated for the resistance. Rather than ignore the legitimacy of her position, the Senate honored the loyalty of the people and decided that a coronation was not needed for something the people already accepted. When she was able to return, New Alderaan would be ready for her. Loyalty to the Organa house remained while a steward held her place until her return.

Although members of the Resistance had come to New Alderaan looking for Leia, the Senate felt it not safe to divulge the information of the videos that might give away where she was hiding without her permission. They are even less forthcoming on where the videos are from or how they keep in contact with her. 

Rey’s blood was boiling, but she thanks the Senate and Royal of New Alderaan. She leaves the capitol building before she decides to give in to the urge to tear through the Senate member’s minds for more information like the last time when she had found a lead and the Tortuga had been unwilling to talk.

She does not want to disappoint her friends again. 

She does not want to disappoint Finn.

His smile had vanished for weeks.

-

-

-

-

They meander down the city streets in silence through a busy street. The noise grows around them and they stumble into a small street festival. Colorful streetcars are selling flags decorated in Alderaanian royalty, and Rey lets the flag of a young boy with raven black hair flutter through her fingers.

“Rey, look!” Finn calls as he grabs her elbow and tugs her away from the stand. He lets go of her quickly and points towards a blue tent where men and women are having their hair twisted up into festival braids.

“I bet we would look good in braids,” He tells her with a grin.

She wants to protests, but he urges her to have her hair done in the traditional Alderaanian style since he heard her watching Leia’s videos the entire trip to New Alderaan. She relents only when he promises to have it done with her.

They speak to the merchant and settle into two wobbly metal chairs. The metal is warm from the last customer, and she closes her eyes as the stylist’s fingers thread through her hair. She tries not to wince when they pull and twist against her scalp, and smiles when she sees all the faces Finn is making as they twist his hair into elaborate cornrowed braids. 

Once finished, they search the city streets for somewhere to sit down and eat. Their hands bump several times before she crossed them over her chest. Rey’s scalp throbs from where the braids had been twisted. She wondered if Leia would have been gentle or firm. 

-

-

-

-

Rey leans her elbow over a metal bar as she munches on a pheasant cooked in fruits and spices. She reaches for the salt with the force only for it to hover towards her for a moment and jerk away. It crashes back onto the bar and sends salt flying as the lid pops off. On her left, Finn's arm is stretched towards the empty space and not for the first time she wonders if he had connected with the force. 

They lock eyes as she apologizes to the bartender.

“You use force.” The bartender tells her.

“Yes.”

He studies her over the sink of the well-worn bar. 

“If you need teacher, I’ve heard Ba’tar has program to help force sensitives. My niece went there. It’s run by one our own, Alderaanian family. Even if you aren’t citizen of planet they train you if they know where you from or been.”

She leans closer over the bar and her heart starts to race. 

“How can they do that without a Jedi to train them?” The bartender waves her comment off as inconsequential.

“Even if they don’t have Jedi, they still have old libraries. Who you with? Husband?”

He asked nodding to Fin who chokes on a piece of fruit.

“This is Finn, and I’m Rey. We came looking for my old mentor. She was helping me learn about the force too. “

“Well Rey, Finn, you not find old teacher, but you find someone better. Really good place, Ba’tar. Great to raise Kits. I’d taken my old girl there if we young enough, but our kits all gone now with war…But, leaders of Ba’tar care for all people, safest planet in galaxy if you make past atmosphere. You both young, time put war behind you, hm? Fill days with new good things, like kits.” 

He sets down two drinks in front of them and moves to help another patron at the bar. 

Finn reaches to take the drink, and Rey grips her own tightly. 

“ Cheers,” Finn says as he clicks his drink against hers. She stares down into the bottom of the glass before her eyes stray to his face. In sync, they knock down the drink in one large gulp. They slam the empty glasses on the table and lock eyes. 

“Finn?”

He leans closer.

“Yeah, Rey?”

An image flashes into Rey’s mind. 

_A small girl with thick curled hair clings to her leg as she stands next to Finn. A small boy with deep, earth-colored skin wraps two skinny arms around Finn’s neck. Finn’s smile is radiant, but her lips are twisted into a disfigured frown. The child around her leg felt alien to her, just as the child around Finn’s neck felt foreign. But she knows in the vision that both children have come from inside her womb._

_Can we go get ice-cream, Mama? Can we?_

_A soft voice askes her as she curls her fingers around the child’s delicate scalp like a ghost._

_Ask your father, Leia._

_Finn looks at her with a frown, and she knows they have had this conversation before. They have had it many times before._

_You don’t want to come with us?_

_Finn asks and reaches towards her. She forces herself not to flinch away from him. As his soft fingers brush her skin the sharp pang of guilt she feels every time he touches her no matter how small gets worse and turns into a poison running thick and crippling through her veins_

_No._

It is always like this when she sees visions of them in the force. She can never shake the sick feeling of guilt. 

She leans towards him as she tracks the smooth wrinkle lines under his eyes. He is still young, so they are too small to make out from a distance, but she can trace the grooves as they curve up around the corners of his eyes. She wants to love him enough to settle down and start a family. A family is all she has ever wanted, but then her gut twists. The heavyweight of shame settles upon her. Years have passed, but she has never been able to force her heart to work the way he deserves. 

He stays with her anyway.

A new sense of longing ripples through her as she realizes it is not just Leia she has been missing. She misses her friend too. When things were not complicated by their awkward lingering touches and chasing glances. She wonders if it is love or loyalty that makes him stay by her side. Even though they have never been more than friends it has lingered in the in-between for years. Years of her chasing endless missions and burrowing face first into blankets sobbing as his calloused hand rubs soothing circles on her back that drive her towards hysterics. If she could finally be happy, would he be free to move on?

“We should check out, Ba’tar. It might be a lead to Leia.”

His shoulders drop and his chin raises a minuscule amount. “Okay, yeah. That sounds…yeah.” 

She jumps up from the chair, and the stool rocks back and forth from the momentum. But, she waits for him this time, and they leave the bar together. She wonders if he knows the children from her vision could never be hers. 

-

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-

-

Rey grips the controls of the Falcon tight enough to pop her knuckles and turn her fingers white. The Falcon is spinning out of control as they break the atmosphere of Ba’tar. Alarms are blaring. She can hear Finn yelling words next to her and scrambling with controls. Rey engages the thrusters, flicks several switches to try and stop the violent motion of the ship and reaches out with the force. 

They crash into a valley of grain fields in the mountains. The ship is wrecked, but they are alive. 

"Well, Peanut" Finn gasps for breath as they lay on the grass near the Falcon as smoke spirals up from the holes in the hull. "Do you think we should stay topside for a while?" Finn asks and they both burst out laughing.

-

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-

-

The field they crashed into was a type of rice plant. The farmers were more understanding then Rey thought they deserved. They help them move their ship to a docking bay where they can stay and make repairs. She offers a sum of credits to pay for the destroyed field which the family accepts gratefully. By the time the Falcon had been moved and docked they are both tired and hungry and in need of a shower. But, the ship is still filled with smoke, and the sonic showers have stopped working. They clean up in a bathroom at the docking bay before they meet at the lobby. They trade lopsided smiles and make their way into town. 

The streets of the town are made of sandstone, and everyone walks or rides bicycles through the city. The large buildings lining the city streets are only two stories high unless they nestled into the mountains. Colorful shirts and dresses hang to dry from lines strung between windows across the street. The city smells strongly of spices, and Rey catches a whiff of baking bread as they pass a pastry shop. 

"Rey!" A voice calls.

She twirls to the left and searches a small crowd of people around a wooden cart where a blue-skinned man is selling sweet-smelling flowers and vegetables.

"Did someone call you?" Finn asks.

"Rey! Up here!" Rey looks above the wooden cart to a wire balcony that twisted out from a large shop window. An elderly woman in deep flowing blue fabric waves to her from over the rail. One arm has several bundles of fabric draped over it and the other grips the metal railing of the second-floor balcony. Rey’s lips parts before an all-consuming grin break out on her face.

"Leia!" She shrieks with delight.

"Come up the stairs to the shop in front of you. Are you here for a mission?" She calls as Rey takes several steps closer to her.

“Yes! We were looking for you. Are you alright?” She calls as she searches the windows behind Leia for a possible threat.

“Come up so we can talk,” Leia calls before she disappears back inside what appears to be a clothing store. Rey flashes Finn a blinding grin before she runs around the sweet-smelling flowers and up the stairs. She stops at the door to the store and watches the attendant helping Leia wrap up a light navy tunic with an emerald and silver stoned belt. She thanks the man and Rey realizes with shock that they are in a male clothing store. Leia tucks the bag to rest at her elbows and when she is close enough to touch, Rey launches herself into the woman's ready arms. Her warm embrace envelopes her. Rey can tell Leia feels healthy and strong. 

“I’ve missed you!” She whispers to her old mentor, and Leia grips her tighter. 

“I wish you could have come with me,” Leia says as they pull apart, and her hands linger on Rey’s forearms. She lets go when Finn comes towards them and clears his throat. “Finn,” Leia says warmly, as she grips Finn’s hand in hers. “I’ve listened for word of both of you when I could. I’ve heard so much about the good you are doing, and I couldn’t be more proud of you.” 

Finn grins. “The resistance never stopped looking for you.” He tells her. Although her expression does not change, Leia takes several small steps away from them. It is subtle, but Rey notices. Finn looks over their shoulder and steps close to whisper.

“Is there somewhere safe we can go to talk?” 

Leia nods and leads them out onto the street. 

"My house is in a suburban area, but it only takes about half an hour to travel there by rail. Come with, and we can talk freely there.”

They walk with Leia in-between them as if they are her self-appointed bodyguards. Rey can see Finn’s shoulders are tight with tension as his eyes roam the city streets.

Leia tells them about the different buildings of the town as they walk. She points out different restaurants she has tried and sections of the city where historical events have taken place. Halfway through Leia’s story about the new bills the city has passed to maintain Ba’tar’s galactic library conservation efforts, Rey stops walking. 

“You live here.”

She accuses as Finn and Leia turn to regard her whitewashed expression. Finn’s mouth is in a tight line, and Leia just looks sad. 

“My house is two cities over but, yes. I do, for almost four years now. Don’t bother trying to contact The Resistance right away. You will have to leave to send back word as long as you outfit your ship to make it through the atmosphere. Something about the planet's atmosphere disrupts signals off the planet. If you can figure out how to patch a signal through, you could settle here with over a million credits." They start walking again in silence and stop in front of a crowded train station. Rey watches Leia disappear into the crowd to purchase rail tickets. She reappears from the crowd with two golden slips and gestures for them to follow her. She hands the conductor the two tickets, taps a ring to a panel on the train and boards the rail. 

They wait until the trail starts to roll away from the station before speaking with the gentle hum of the engine.

"What happened, General?" Rey asks as she turns away from the window.

"Rey, you don't need to call me general anymore. Just Leia is fine."

"We found blood all over your room." Finn accuses as he leans towards her and threads his fingers together. "Everyone is still looking for you."

Rey reaches out to the force, but it has started to become eerily silent and muted around them.

Leia signs and nods.

"I had foolishly hoped you wouldn't. But, I had no time. What I needed to do, was too precious to wait. Everything depended on the timing. Do you have a place to stay tonight?" She asks, and Rey feels a swell of relief that the woman is not going to abandon them as if they were passing friends and not someone who had been looking for her for years. 

"We can sleep on the Falcon," Finn says and Rey shakes her head.

"No, the ship is badly damaged. It needs to cool now and then at least another day to air out all the smoke before we can start to work on it."

“Stay with me for the night. It will give us a chance to talk.”

Rey nods, and Leia looks relieved.

"I never meant to disappear." She says. "And I wasn’t kidnapped, although I had a feeling it might look like I was. I needed to leave for a while. But, I couldn’t trust the council to help me and It was not worth the risk to trust Luke again. I should have been back within the week if not several days, but he…" Her voice falters. " Anyway my ship crashed here and by the time it was fixed several months had gone by. They are very good people here. “She says with a smile.

Her mention of the counsel alighted Rey’s curiosity, but when a conductor slides open the door to sell snacks and drinks she settles against the train window. They need to wait until they can speak freely, and it is not here. The sun fades over the horizon. The sky is now a deep black-red color instead of the pale yellow in the day. She closes her eyes. She has never been on this planet, but as the rail rolls over the tracks, it somehow feels like she is coming home. 

-

-

-

-

The Rail screeches to a stop at a wooded train station. There are only a few people waiting on the benches of the station, and Leia leads them away from the crowds and down a dirt path. Lanterns of glowing stone line the trail as it snakes around the perimeter of a small stone town. The buildings twinkle in the darkness from the particles of luminescent stone that have been added into the mortar. They pass four city blocks before they turn to the left of the trail and follow a sandstone path up a wooded hill. A small cottage looms on the horizon as they break through the tree line. It looks nothing like the house Rey would have imagined for Leia Organa. It does not look fit for a Queen or for a Resistance General. It looks like a farmer lives here.

Leia leads them up the stone steps of the house. The wind rustles through a crystal noisemaker as Leia unlocks the door and leads them into the foyer. 

"The kitchen is this way," Leia says as she herds them past the door of the house. "Come sit for a minute before I show you to your rooms so I can make you something to eat. And even if the crash did not give you any visible injuries, you’re going to need something for the whiplash. Let me take a look at you both." 

They both watch her disappear into the kitchen as they stand awkwardly in the doorway.

"This is too strange. What the heck happened to her?" Finn hisses in his ear. “She is acting—“

“Domestic.” Rey cuts in as her eyes catch on a black leather jacket that is hanging on a coat rack near the door and a pair of broad sandals that rest underneath it. They must be at least a size twelve, she thinks. To Rey, it is starting to not seem strange at all.

“She is acting domestic.” She says again and leaves to join Leia in the kitchen. 

-

-

-

-

They end up talking for hours, but not about how Leia left. Leia asks them question upon question about their lives, what they have been doing since the end of the war, if they have married or have kids. She asks a lot of questions about Poe. She steers the conversation so discretely that Rey does not realize it might have been deliberate until she is showing them to their room so they can sleep for the night. Finn disappears into the bedroom, but Rey lingers for a moment outside. 

"Remember that you’re not a prisoner. “Leia says with warmth in her voice as she looks at Rey. "The gardens are beautiful in the morning so if you still wake up before the sun, take a look around the yard. Don't worry about breakfast. We’ll all eat together and then we can work out what to do about your ship tomorrow."

“I’m going to want answers,” Rey says as she meets Leia’s eyes. Leia reaches out a hand, gently strokes her cheek and then squeezes her shoulder.

“And, you will have them.”

"Good night, Leia."

"Goodnight Rey."

-

-

-

-

Rey is wide awake when she lays down in the nest of blankets and pillows Leia has created for them in what looks like an office room with the desk moved between the two pallets she made for Rey and Finn. She has been asleep for no more than an hour when she hears the front door opening down the hallway. Finn props himself up on his own pallet on the opposite side of the room. 

She catches his eye around the wooden desk separating them and raises her brow.

"Well?" Rey hears Leia whisper loudly but the sound carries through the house. There is a moment of silence before her voice carries down the hall again.

"I'll tell you about that in a moment." Leia rebukes. "First, I want to know how it went. Tell me."

They both strain to hear the other person’s response. Rey can hear footsteps and the sound of someone tossing their shoes aside. 

"Oh, but you stayed out so late?" Leia exclaims not even bothering to whisper now. They both inch towards the door so they can hear better. "Surely that must mean there was a spark of something?" They wait for the response but hear only the clicking of glasses from the kitchen.

"I picked up some things from the market today,” Leia says. “Take a look at them and if you don't like them, I'll just take it back the next time I go. Would you put an ice cube in mine?" 

"Thank you." She says.

Rey pushes her ear to the door.

"Don't give me that look!” Leia says “The green matches that shirt perfectly!"

There is some silence, and then she speaks again.

"You can take everything back but that one. I had that specially made, look at the embroidery."

Finn reaches to crack open the door but Rey stops him.

"Yes, that's right. I was hoping you would remember." Leia says.

They heard her laugh loudly before she coughs to quiet herself.

"Oh, we never were good at keeping quiet. I'm still not after all these years."

A pause.

"We did not. Stop being dramatic."

She laughs again, softly this time. 

"I suppose not. Do you remember, Rey? I ran into her and Finn at the market today. Their ship crashed onto the planet. They are marooned here until they fix the Falcon or decide to buy a whole new ship."

Even with their ears pressed firmly to the door, they cannot hear the other voice.

"No, I don't think she would either. I didn't ask. Come out onto the patio where we can talk otherwise I'll probably keep them awake with my chatter."

"No, leave those there. Since you liked them, I'll go ahead and wash them tomorrow before…"

Her voice faded out as the front door opened and shut tight behind them. 

"Did you hear who it was?" Finn asks as they turn from the door. Their breaths mingling in the space between as her hand lingered on his wrist.

"No. But..." She trails off and cannot meet his eyes. 

She pulls away from him and curls under the covers facing the wall. Her heart is pounding, and she hears him linger there for a while before he returns to his pallet. She falls asleep and wonders if it is a lover or a son Leia had been speaking too.


End file.
